Well 2017 was a year at least.
Last January I thought that by this time I would be a lot healthier, and have my weight under control.
I started the year by blogging almost everyday. Then weekly, then not at all. I struggled with not just my physical health, but my mental health. I learned that some psychiatrists are just assholes who do more harm then good.
I did make some progress towards my weight loss goals. During the first five and a half months I didn’t really change anything. It was still a yo-yo pattern. Nothing too drastic.
something clicked in my head an asshole psychiatrist inadvertently put me on a path that was both helpful and dangerous at the same time. To summarize: the two visits I had with him ended with ‘you are clinically beyond the point of help, and the only reason you have these issues is because you are fat and lazy.’ After giving that asshat a giant middle finger I drove home crying like a baby. I had never been to a psychiatrist before and was convinced that this is how they all were. The next morning I thought “Screw it” and I really started counting my calories and making sure I hit my step goal. I even raised my step goal to 11,000. I worked out constantly, and after a few weeks it was second nature. I was conscious of the calories I was putting into my body, and what I would need to do in order to burn off all of the calories that I consumed. I found that I actually loved going to the gym, and my exercise classes. It was my obsession. If I didn’t make my class I was very upset. I not only did the home version of the class I would’ve gone to, but I made myself do extra. There were some days I just walked in circles around my house just to make sure I hit my goals, and stayed active.
At the end of June a few things took a wrong turn and I ended up without work and we cut out our gym membership. That was a devastating blow for me. I lost part of my world. I went from going to the YMCA 6-7 days a week to nothing. It had become my second home. At first it was easy to continue doing home workouts. Slowly though, I felt my drive slipping. I semi-reverted back to the excuses of why I can’t workout, or justifying why I ate like crap and didn’t count my calories. I felt like crap because I ate like crap and was more becoming more sedentary than I had been for months.
After several weeks of unsuccessfully finding work, hubby and I talked and decided that it was time for me to focus on my career shift. I would not find a new job in my old profession, but continue to stay home and focus on transitioning into a new career.
Feeling motivation for the first time in over a month, I started going through my Fitbit calorie records in hopes to put my mind back on track. It was going through those records that made me realize that my obsession with counting calories and working out had gotten dangerous. I was only eating between 700-800 calories a day but I burned between 3500-4000 calories a day. If I went over 800 I skipped meals. This went on for two months. No wonder I lost so much weight so quickly.
June 26 I was upset by how high my carb and calorie count was so I skipped dinner. June 20 was a “good” day, I stayed on target for my calorie goals.
After seeing what I had become (and that I was going back the the other way) I decided that I would reach out to a different psychiatrist. When I went for my first appointment in September my perception of psych doctors changed. In front of me I had a very kind, wonderful woman who listened with compassion yet was straightforward. It took a few appointments but I have an official diagnosis, and am on the appropriate treatment plan.
I know what you’re thinking, I got my head fixed so now I was back living in Pleasantville. I was doing amazing at counting my calories and I worked out all the time. *Insert uncontrollable laughter here*
Lets be real ya’ll, I gained most of the what I lost back, and didn’t do a damn thing about it. Yeah I ate slightly better, but I didn’t go out of my way to be healthy.
By December I had decided to talk with my doctor. I was back up at 256, and it wasn’t going anywhere. I knew I didn’t want surgery, but I wanted to see what other options I had. He suggested that I try Phentermine. We talked, I agreed. If you want to know the details I would suggest reading my post “An Interesting Change.”
I have lost weight thanks to the medicine and counting my calories the correct way. 11.8lbs to be exact.
Overall how did this year go?
I wouldn’t really say that this year was good or bad. 2017 was simply the year that was. I fell down the rabbit hole and came out looking like I battled the Jabberwocky. I didn’t, I just got lost finding my way home. No one said I was graceful.
Will 2018 be the year I accomplish my goals? I have no fucking idea. I am simply going to give it my all, and enjoy every damn minute of it.